


Beautiful Menace

by missema



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Dragon Age Kink Meme, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Improper use of magic, Rebuilding, Rival Relationship, Temper Tantrums, Viscount of Kirkwall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-28 15:15:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missema/pseuds/missema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A kmeme fill for a Cullen/Mage Viscountess Hawke rivalmance.  Set after the final battle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This world is owned by Bioware, but I created this original fiction.

There was no way he was going to let an unchecked mage run the city of Kirkwall. Tatiana Hawke was Kirkwall's most influential noble and a formidable woman in her own right, but she still had the curse of the Maker. Magic was the curse that ruined heaven, blackened the Golden City and made the Maker turn away from his creation, his greatest failure. Cullen believed that ardently. He was a templar with every fiber of his being.

But he knew her to be a good woman and trusted her when she took over the Viscount's seat. Even so, he watched her, scrutinized her, looked for signs of corruption with his ever vigilant eyes. Power had corrupted his last superior so completely it kept him in constant fear and she'd amassed more power than he'd ever thought possible in this city. His templars supported her. After the tyranny of Meredith he could do her no higher honor than to lend his support to her bid for the throne. It made him more careful with her, he knew his hand wouldn't hesitate to strike her down if the day came. He'd wished he'd had such resolve with Meredith.

There was a darker reason that he was here, something he didn't like to admit even to himself. Tatiana was a beautiful woman, and within his reach, more dangerous than her magical talents was the hold they had over him. If he hadn't known better, he'd swear she was a Somniari, a dreamer, controlling his dreams and causing him night after night of delicious anguish. He didn't dare let on how he felt about her, for one thing they agreed on nothing and she'd flaunted her apostate life in front of him before becoming Viscountess.

He knew about her, the lovers she'd had, the loyal friends that trailed behind her without question. They'd kept watch on her and it had seemed like she'd been taunting them, going to the Blooming Rose, escaping their watchful eyes as she trekked to the Wounded Coast, up to the Dalish on Sundermount. She interfered in the holy mission of the templars with such alarming regularity that it was no surprise to see her name in reports of disobedience. But yet, she'd become their leader. It was a strange world indeed.

"Good Morning Cullen." The Viscountess walked past him brazenly wearing mage robes embroidered with the symbol of Kirkwall. He watched her sway as she walked, admired the pull of the robes across her hips.

"Viscountess." He replied tersely. She laughed softly at his formality. She was a menace. A beautiful menace with a laugh like a caress from the Maker's hand.

Tatiana saw Cullen giving her his usual, carefully neutral look as she came in that morning. It was customary for them, she'd say hello and he'd simply nod at her then begin the day of standing over her like some sort of sexy sentinel, watching her as she made her way home after ten or twelve hours of work. He watched her so that she would not become a magister, lose herself to her own power and ruin their civilization. It was wrong, so completely wrong that she wanted him. She sat at her desk, staring down at the work she hadn't put away last night.

Day after day she felt his eyes on her, relentless and steadfast in his devotion to duty, his duty to watch over her. He was a twice-ruined man, once by the blood mages in the Ferelden Circle and by Meredith. Unlike so many in the city, Tatiana didn't hate Meredith. She saw that she was a woman pushed to the edge by fear and poisoned by an ancient malevolent magic. Not that she agreed with her - no it was impossible to be a mage and agree with the person responsible for enforcing the tight bonds that had been clapped around her brethren, but as a leader it was also hard to hate a woman that had witnessed the most awful sides of magic throughout her whole life. She'd reacted as she'd been raised to react in most situations. The Chantry reinforced her fear of magic then put her in charge of mages. It was always going to be difficult for Meredith and without Dumar, it had become impossible.

Cullen was damaged too, every battle served to reinforce his beliefs and dedication to his duties. Maker save her, it was part of what attracted her to him. He had reserves of strength that she admired, physical and mental. He was a survivor and after enduring so much hardship on her own she understood that too. Despite his reservations about her, he never took them out on Carver, never treated her brother as anything but another templar. One look at his handsome, stubbled face and you could see the war he waged internally. She hoped to ease his mind, not add to the worry already taking up too much room.

Seneschal Bran came into the room to give her the list of things they would work on today. He bustled into the room, all self-important stride.

"Cullen." The seneschal greeted her templar keeper, resenting the continued presence of templars in the Keep. After Meredith's attack, he'd tried to expel all of them and reinstate the guardsmen in their old positions. With a mage as Viscount, the guards had been replaced by templars once again when Hawke took office.

"Seneschal."

"Your Excellency, if you are done staring at your desk, there are some things we need to do today." Bran carefully nettled her, but she'd gotten used to the prickly bastard. She didn't know what she'd do without him.

"I'm sorry Seneschal. Let's get started." She smiled at Bran and he smirked at her. It was as close as he'd come to a true smile.

They were rebuilding Kirkwall, and it felt like every brick had to be approved by her before it could be set down. It was painstaking, the nobles were trying to flee and not pay the levies that were needed for the second rebuilding of Kirkwall in the last few years. At least this time she made sure they were hiring more Ferelden laborers, giving them a chance at better jobs. Nearly a decade after the Blight and things were still grim for Fereldans, both in Kirkwall and in Ferelden.

To say the Viscountess had a difficult job would be an understatement.  Ruling was no trifle at any time, but after such a crisis - he couldn't imagine a worse job to have.  Cullen could see her straining, doing her best to fit the city back together.  She and Seneschal Bran worked long days and he admired her patience in dealing with Bran.  Cullen was a man of principle, dedicated to his belief in doing the right thing even if it didn't match what his heart wanted.  He saw Bran as little more than a fickle politician, carefully guarding his opinions and thoughts so that he would never be called on to stand up for what he believed.  In truth, Cullen and his templars watched Bran almost as much as he watched the Viscountess - but it was a much less gratifying duty.

Varric Tethras strolled into the Office of the Viscount, and Tatiana sighed, remembering that today was the day that the Dwarven Merchant Guild was going to submit their proposals to her for rebuilding commerce.  She needed Varric to give her insight on who would actually follow through with their plans - her office would be subsidizing the rebuilding of profitable commercial entities for those that pitched successfully.

"Hawke, I mean Excellency.  You haven't been to the Hanged Man in far too long.  How are you holding up?"   Varric asked upon walking into her office.

The dwarf took in the bags under her eyes, the tightness around her mouth, the general sense of fatigue he got from their fair leader.  She was exhausted but trying to hold it off.  At least she didn't put a pretense of pretending everything was fine.

"I could use a vacation Varric.  Where do you suggest we go?"

"I always say, if you're running away run to someplace where it's sunny.  Antiva suit your fancy or is that not far enough?"

"Sunny is good, but too populated."

"I'll have to think some more."  Varric sat down at the table next to her in the conference room, ready to take notes on the proposals and offer advice.

Tatiana smiled wearily at her friend, thanking him for his assistance today.  She was glad Varric was here, she knew she would miss something crucial without him.  She was past exhaustion, truth be told.  Her nights were interrupted by terrible dreams, fights she couldn't forget, faces of people she couldn't save, problems that ate at her and demanded her attention long after she left the office.  Even though Isabela had gallantly offered to 'bring the fun to her' as the pirate put it, Tatiana was sure that nothing could ease her mind, not even the most skilled worker from the Rose.  

When Varric mentioned her tired visage, Cullen looked at Tatiana, inspecting the Viscountess.  Her days, _their_ days had gotten longer and the problems were more complex than just putting out the fires now.  He longed to wind his fingers in her black hair, let her curl into against his chest, to whisper in her ear that he was here for her.  He couldn't, wouldn't give into his base longing for such a woman.  Shifting his gaze from her lovely neck, he watched the dwarves parading in the door in their finery.  At least there was no threat of magic from them.


	2. Chapter 2

It was well beyond sunset when Tatiana lit the fire in her office with a wisp of her own magic, earning her a reproachful look from Cullen.

"What?" Her voice was annoyed to the point of not caring about his answer. She was tired after the day, and he was there, still standing and watching her, contributing nothing. He knew she was just looking for a reason to fight with him and said nothing. She stood near her fire for a moment, warming herself as the flames licked the wood piled inside.

"I am departing Your Excellency, unless you have further need of me tonight." Seneschal Bran was standing at her desk, dropping another armload of paperwork off for her.

"Goodnight Bran." Tatiana said softly.

"Goodnight Viscountess. Try not to stay too late." Bran replied, and only she could hear the sweetness beneath his tart tone. He once told her, before she took the job, not to take it. He never said why he discouraged her, but hinted that she could do better without the headache of this city. Bran never said things outright.

Cullen could hear the unspoken wish in the sycophant's tone. The man overstepped, lacing innuendo into his words whenever he spoke to Tatiana. Cullen crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at Bran until he left the room. He either didn't notice Cullen's silent reprimand or didn't care as he left the office. Tatiana sat back down at her desk, sighing as she looked over the pile of work that Bran had just deposited in front of her.

Working at her desk, she heard the stifled yawn of her minder and ignored it. As long as she was here, he should be too, she thought vindictively. But then she glanced at him and saw his tired eyes wandering around the room. It softened her - she could only be mad at Cullen when she thought of him as a templar and not Cullen. She wanted to go over there and plant a kiss on the corner of his tired mouth, to watch the edge go from turned down to upwards, making his rare smile wink into view. It was what she wanted, but she was sure if she acted on her desire she'd get nothing more than a stern look and two gauntleted hands pinning her arms down as she got frog-marched back to her desk.

"Why don't you send someone else to take your place Cullen? I'll be here for a little while yet, and you look tired."

"That's not necessary Viscountess, but you are kind to suggest it. I assure you it's no trouble." He answered, pulling himself up straighter as he did.

Tatiana shrugged, going back to her work. Before long, she felt her own eyes crossing and the lids growing heavy despite her best efforts. Cullen was standing behind her, and she felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Why don't you go home now, Tatiana?" His quiet voice offered.

It was the first time Cullen had ever touched her and he had taken off his gauntlet to do it. She felt electric sparks shooting down her body from where his hand rest on her shoulder. Wasn't she supposed to be the mage?

"I should, shouldn't I?" She said, but instead of getting up she rested her face in her hands.

Cullen's hand didn't move from her shoulder and it made her thoughts incoherent, want and confusion bubbling through her. When she finally pushed back her chair to stand was when he removed it. For a few seconds all she could feel was the loss at the warm weight, how sad she was to be deprived of the slight tingle he gave her.

He had lost his mind, touching her like that, calling her by her first name. For a moment, he had been consumed with his desire to feel her skin touch his, and had to stop his finger from tracing a trail down the cords of her neck. It was foolish - a momentary slip due to fatigue. Next time she suggested he remove himself from her presence, he would, if only to stop himself from engaging in this type of behavior again. Maker, she had felt like the fire she conjured, pure heat under his scarred hand and he'd envisioned how warm the rest of her would be beneath him. It was time for him to go off-duty if he were succumbing to these thoughts.

When she returned home that night her estate was cold, only one light burning in the darkness as she entered. Tatiana didn't even strip off the robes she'd had on all day before collapsing in an exhausted heap onto her bed. Bodahn and Sandal were gone to Orlais now, she'd seen them off some time before and her fires were no longer properly tended, her house empty save for her dog. If it weren't for Aveline taking him to the barracks with her and feeding him, even Egon wouldn't be here anymore. Tomorrow she'd remember to ask Seneschal Bran about where to find a new manservant. Tomorrow, she thought sleepily as she freed her hair and let it fall over her shoulders as she lay spreadeagled on the bed.

In the morning the templars would wake her by ringing her bell as they always did and she'd rush to get ready for another day. Tatiana was too weary to care about tomorrow at the moment and drew her blanket around her before shutting her eyes. Sleep found her almost instantly, but it wasn't restful, even with the exhaustion that clung to her. Nightmare images wove in and out of her dreams for most of the night. She was unable to chase them away and woke up shivering, trying to recall a pleasant memory that would lull her into sleep. Nothing worked until she thought of Cullen's hand on her shoulder earlier that night. The memory of his hand, so comforting and just what she'd needed at that moment, gentle and warm as it sat on her shoulder calmed her in a way nothing else had and she was granted some rest. His face flooded her mind, taking over her dreams, granting her some measure of peace for the remainder of the night.

When she awoke her dog was nuzzled into her arm. Egon's warm, smelly body was next to her on the bed, no doubt warming himself as he'd warmed her. Her bleary eyes looked out of the window and saw that the day hadn't fully dawned yet. Her templar friends would be ringing her bell soon, urging her to hurry and get ready for another day at work. She got up stiffly from the bed, aching from the fatigue that had settled into her bones. There was no way she could go to work without bathing, especially having slept in her robes, so she drew herself a bath, and took out a clean robe from the closet. She was running low and had no time to do her own laundry. Her home life was collapsing around her without the help of Bodahn and Sandal.

Sitting in the rapidly cooling bathwater, Tatiana felt the weariness deep within her. She'd been trying to hold it at bay for some time now. Downstairs she could hear the ringing of her bell, the short, staccato pulls on the cord that heralded the templars. She sighed, thinking of how much more work she still had yet to do, how much Kirkwall needed her. She washed herself by rote and got hastily out of the tub, skipping breakfast because she didn't have food in the house. With Egon by her side so she could drop him off at the barracks, she left her house.

"Aveline, it'd do me a world of good if you had some confiscated mutton or something that I could give my mabari." Tatiana said as she dropped off her dog in the barracks. Aveline looked thoughtfully at her for a moment before speaking.

"I think Guardsman Eustace mentioned something after her patrol last night. I will check with her and see if we can get something for our favorite dog. How are you doing Hawke?"

"I'm fine, just haven't been leaving here in time to get to the market this week. It's been a long one." Tatiana lied. What she really meant is, I haven't had time to go to the market ever and I fall asleep at my desk. Aveline accepted her lie, but Tatiana couldn't tell if she was fooled or not.

"Just take it easy sometime Hawke. You've only got to ask if you need me to help out."

"I know Aveline." Tatiana started up the stairs to her office. "Say hello to Donnic for me." Aveline's face lit up at the mention of her husband but she waved at Hawke instead of speaking, letting her get to work for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

Tatiana rounded the corner into her own office where the ever present Cullen was standing in wait. She was so tired this morning that her very nerves throbbed, and she longed to go back to the house she'd just left. Knowing that she couldn't leave without putting in some work today, she smiled wearily at Cullen in greeting.

"Good Morning Viscountess." Cullen greeted her with his standard greeting as he stood outside her door. He looked no worse after their long day yesterday, but the gravelly pitch of his voice betrayed his fatigue. She remembered how he had chased away her nightmares last night and found herself blushing slightly as she addressed him.

"Good Morning Cullen." Tatiana said, easing into the chair behind the desk overflowing with papers and books. Seneschal Bran didn't wait for her to sit before he'd come into the room. Tatiana heaved a huge, tired sigh. It was going to be another repeat of yesterday except without the distraction of Varric and the Dwarven Merchants Guild.

That afternoon Tatiana had to endure one of the more trying aspects of being Viscountess - the nobles and their complaints. After telling haughty Lord Maartens repeatedly that she could not replace his Orlesian terrier even if he did believe it was _spooked_ by the battle with Meredith and ran off shortly thereafter, Tatiana was besieged by the dreadful Lady Tremaine and her gangly, spotty son who were doing nothing but trying to get her to come to some horrid party that she simply must attend.

Far too many of the nobles that came to her office were complaining about nothing more than her lack of attendance at their silly parties. She sent Bran in her stead, he was much more comfortable at the parties and she could attend to city business. Whenever she tried to explain that yes, she was trying to rebuild a ruined city with limited means and did have more work than she could handle, the nobles waved her concerns aside. Yet when they wanted more commerce, nicer squares and repairs to the statuary and fountains, she could hear no end of the whining, shrill voices that had once been begging her to come to their parties.

"Please Lady Tremaine, you must realize I cannot simply abandon my work for one night. I mean it as no offense to anyone, but the city must come first in times like these."

"Viscountess, there are always times like these but my son will not remain single for long if you continue to ignore him." Lady Tremaine stated, sure that her threat would galvanize the Viscountess into action. Her son would come into a large fortune and though he wasn't the most graceful young man, he didn't slurp his soup anymore. She looked over at him steadfastly by her side and smiled indulgently, hardly believing that her baby was six and thirty years. How time flew.

"If it so pleases your son, then he should move on. There is no use in waiting for me when I have more pressing matters to attend to." She knew her response was too blunt, but she was eager to use her energies for real work and not more useless pandering.

"The years do not stand still for any of us, and there women of far better lineage then yourself Viscountess."

"You do not know how lightly you tread. See yourself out of my office now or my templars will remove you." Tatiana growled, giving into the anger that she'd been holding back through all these useless meetings. The older woman actually looked stunned at the ferocity of her reply, and she gathered herself up, sniffing her feebly voiced complaints but retreating quickly under the glare that Tatiana lavished upon her.

"Shall I tell the rest of the people waiting that you are busy, or would you like to insult all of the nobles today?" Bran asked her once Lady Tremaine and her silent son had slumped out of her sight.

Tatiana put her head on her desk, shaking with inarticulate rage. She was beginning to hate this job more than she could effectively express. Constantly watched, surrounded by the templars, the endless litany of complaints, the thankless job of rebuilding a city, no time for herself at all, working every single day and it was never enough, had become too much in that moment. Hot, bitter tears built behind her bloodshot grey eyes and she blinked them back before pulling her head up to look at Bran.

"Are you quite alright Viscountess?" Bran was looking at her with something akin to concern.

"Leave me." Tatiana said.

"Have you replaced your manservant yet?" Bran asked her astutely. There was nothing that had escaped his shrewd eyes, and he knew that her mabari was her only nightly companion. When she shook her head he told her that he would have someone sent round to her house and left her office, closing the doors behind him.

"Would you like me to leave as well Viscountess?" Cullen's quiet voice came out of the corner of the room where he stood.

"Please." One word was all she could get out. It sounded strained to her own ears, as if the very vocal chords that brought the noise to life were close to snapping.

She heard the clank of his armor as he crossed the room, opening one of the double doors and then closing it again. She was sure he was standing just outside of it but it no longer mattered to her. Books and papers flew off her desk and she used her hands, magic and her feet to disrupt the piles that had threatened to overwhelm her desk. She upended the tables and chairs for her visitors, hoping to break them into kindling for her fire. Behind her closed door, she raged, stomping her feet and throwing her own, sad possessions around her office until she exhausted herself. Tatiana sank down into the middle of a pile of debris in her office, falling onto her back. She could do nothing but look at the ceiling and feel utterly powerless beneath it.

Cullen heard her in there, breaking things, throwing Maker knows what around. There were mighty thumps and he could feel her endless stream of mana through the door when she called on her magic. She was more powerful than he remembered, her powers touching his finely tuned senses, tingling them. He had to hold himself back from draining her powers through the door - he was quite sure that she was angry enough to come and punch him if he did it.

Her seemingly endless reserves frightened him, she was a very skilled mage and could call upon several different schools of magic. Cullen had let her smile get to him, the sleepy eyes, the husky laugh had made him forget the truth he held himself to, mages were not to be trusted. When the noise in the office finally began to die out, he could hear Bran outside dismissing people, giving them terse apologizes for the busy Viscountess.

"Let me back in." Not long after the office behind the doors where he stood had gone quiet, Cullen had Bran in front of him demanding to be let back in.

"I'm not sure that's wise. She was using magic." Cullen warned him.

"What a surprise, a mage who uses magic. Let me back in." Bran snapped. Cullen complied, giving the seneschal an icy glare as he did.

Tatiana was still laying in the middle of her mess as Bran took in the damage done to the room. It was quite impressive, Marlowe had certainly never managed a tantrum like this but then Marlowe only had to ever deal with the threat of the city going under, not the actual aftermath.

They'd have to replace her furniture, the seats that once held visitors lay shattered in the corner, small pieces of wood scattered across the room mixed with everything else she'd thrown around. The books and papers looked intact other than a few ripped sheets; she hadn't wanted to create more work for them.

"Your Excellency." Bran stood over where Tatiana lay on her back and she cracked open one eye to look up at him.

"What are you doing here? Didn't Cullen warn you away from my sinful magic?"

Her seneschal issued a dry cackle of laughter at that statement and got down on his haunches so he could reach her. He offered her one of his pale, freckled hands and she took it in hers, surprised at the softness of his skin. He pulled her into a sitting position, where she felt marginally more dignified than when she was on her back. His brown eyes looked straight into hers and he sighed.

"Marlowe used weep, berate me and then send gifts. I was hoping you'd do the same, I could use a new doublet." Tatiana laughed in spite of herself. "Are you alright?" He asked, serious now and looking at her.

"I think so. I just needed that."

"You need healing." He said, pointing to a cut on her arm. She summoned her strength and healed the cut as he looked on. "You know healing magic?" He was genuinely curious. There had never been a discussion of exactly what kind of magic she knew, just that she had magic.

"I know a little." Tatiana said evasively. She was a skilled spirit healer but didn't really feel comfortable talking about her magic. She watched his eyes narrow at her and felt them sweep over the now healed arm. There was no evidence of the cut, not even a small scar.

"I see. So you're a gifted mage and a nearly adequate ruler but you can't even tell when you need a break. Pity, I thought you were smart."

"And here I was beginning to think you had a heart." She smiled at him, taking his jibe.

"Go home Viscountess. I'll send the Guard-Captain along with your dog when she comes back from duty. Stop in the market and get some food. I'll send work to you for the next few days by messenger. Go sleep." He said to her.

"I appreciate this Bran."

"I'd appreciate gifts."

"Done." Tatiana got up from the floor finally, and Bran scurried around her as he started to put her office back in order.

Cullen watched the Viscountess leave the Keep and he ordered a templar to follow her. Whatever had just happened behind that door, he'd felt her using magic. There had been no reason for him to listen to their conversations before, but he berated himself now for not paying attention to the low voices. Magic had passed between the two and although it did not feel malevolent, Cullen cleansed the room after she left.

Bran shot him a disgusted look as he felt the whoosh of air that accompanied the cleansing but Cullen retained his usual stony face. Any hope he had of asking Bran what spell she'd used evaporated as Bran marched past him, ordering one of the Keep staff to remove the debris and bring the papers to him before slamming the door to his office.


	4. Chapter 4

Cullen thought the Viscountess would return to work the next day, but she never came to her office in the Keep. He stood in his normal spot, outside her cleaned office, waiting for her to appear and let them both in, but she never showed up. Fear and anger knotted inside of him, twisting in his stomach as he thought of the day before. The Viscountess had used magic, and now she wasn't coming to work. When he asked his templars assured him that they'd rung her bell that morning but she never opened her office.

"Where is the Viscountess?" He demanded of Bran when it was evident that she would not be coming into her office.

"Her Excellency is indisposed." Bran answered without looking up from his paperwork.

"When will she return?"

"Not tomorrow, even the Maker got one day of rest Ser Cullen."

"Do you mind telling me what's going on?" Cullen asked.

"Yes, I do mind. Go bother someone else templar, I have things to do."

Closing the door behind him, Cullen exited the office glad to leave the unpleasant Bran behind. At least that hadn't changed, Bran was still acting normally. Perhaps the Viscountess hadn't done anything to him that he remembered. Cullen went back to the barracks, hoping to take this time to research magic, to make sure Tatiana bore no signs of blood magic. She was too smart to be obvious about it, so he needed to be thorough, make sure he hadn't missed a single thing.

Tatiana's new manservant was an elf named Lukas who showed up that morning. Lukas was a blond man who possessed a fastidious nature but not one lacking warmth. His droll humor was much like her own and she could see why the Seneschal had selected him. She found that she liked him immediately and he went about the house, making notes and shaking his head as he saw the state of it. While she worked in the library, he worked to get the house back in order. She had given him the funds to go and procure her a cook and to replenish the household supplies, which despite her trip to the market the day before were still meager in number.

She was still exhausted, but not as weary as she'd been the day before at the Keep. Tatiana had no desire to work and wished that she could go off and hunt bandits or mercenaries but those days were long behind her. Even a walk was out of the question, yesterday at the market she had almost been bombarded with people, nobles asking questions, commoners saying hello, merchants wanting to tempt the wealthy viscountess into buying something so they could advertise that the viscountess shopped with them. The overwhelming crush of voices had flooded into her ears and made her feel as if she were drowning as she bought bread. Just recalling the incident made Tatiana's pulse race anxiously. She calmed herself by working half-heartedly and sleeping during the day, thinking fondly of the days when she'd been just 'Champion' instead of Viscountess.

That evening when he came to her estate, she was almost expecting him. It had been an afterthought to her, she had forgotten herself as she left the Keep after her outburst. Tatiana had to tell the templars of her general movements. No doubt Bran had told them she was going home, and they weren't bound to follow her there, letting her retain some measure of privacy, but she should have sent a note herself saying she wouldn't be returning until the next week. Now there was one in her house, giving her the once-over.

"Hello Carver. Tell your Commander I'm not a crazy blood mage, I'm just exhausted."

"I'm not here because I've been ordered to, I'm here because Cullen says you destroyed your office in a fit of pique and used magic."

"I use a lot of magic Carver." Tatiana said, and then she froze him just for good measure before walking away.

He caught up with her in her bedroom. She turned away from him, rolling onto her side on the crimson sheets and closing her eyes. As expected, he stood in front of her, stern and imposing even with her eyes closed. The residual cold from her ice spell was still rolling off of him and she noticed that he was standing closer to her fire than her bed.

"You know, I could strip you of your mana." Carver hissed angrily, ready for their usual fight. It was a low blow, it would take her almost a day to recover if he did, not to mention it felt like having part a body torn away.

"You wouldn't." Tatiana said, sitting up and eying her brother.

"No, I wouldn't. I don't even do that to most mages that are running from us you know, I try and catch them first."

"Are you really here because you are concerned about me?"

"Yes. You need to be careful Tati, Cullen is convinced you are subverting Chantry law. I know you better than that, and I thought that after watching you all this time, Cullen might have learned that too." Carver scratched at his chin, looking away before going on.

"Not that I can fault the man, he's lived through horrors inflicted by blood mages. No one is different to him, but I know that you are. Don't give him a reason Tati, that's all I am saying."

"I miss you, Carver. I wish you were here to fight with me and tell me how wrong I am about everything."

Carver sat down on the bed next to her, still shivering slightly. She pressed her hand to the back of his armor, the thick templar issued plate that they all wore and let a small amount of fiery warmth flow from her fingers.

"Thanks, I was still bloody freezing."

"Carver, it's been so awful lately." Tatiana pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. "I just don't think I can do it, I can't fix Kirkwall. Why is it easier to save a city than to fix it?" She asked him, looking away from the dark eyes that seemed to stare straight through her.

"I can't give you any answers, but I doubt you'd listen to me if I had any. Please be careful, I've already defied one Knight-Commander for you, don't make me fight another." Carver grinned at her and she laughed, more at the absurd jokey grin he'd given her than at his statement.

"Give me a hug. I've got to get going." Carver said, pulling her towards him.

"Come back soon Carver. Come for dinner sometime if you can."

"I will try, we've got almost as much to do as you these days, and our numbers are low. But I will try and get back here more often." He promised as they hugged.

Carver got up off the bed, and waved once before he let himself out. She could hear the clang of his armor as he went down the stairs and him stopping to pet her dog for a moment. Then came the creaking of the front door as it opened and closed and she was left alone again.

No regulation prevented him from coming to see her, but Carver rarely did, they had never built the kind of closeness that she would have liked for them. Cullen would certainly hear of his visit and question him, but there was nothing she could do to protect him from his duty. Tatiana sighed and laid back in the bed, waiting for her dog to join her.

"That was all she said, nothing was out of the ordinary?" Cullen was indeed questioning Carver about his visit with his sister.

"No Knight-Commander, my sister acted perfectly normal other than seeming over-tired."

"Did she use magic?"

"Well...yes." Carver hesitated, feeling like he was tattling. "But it was basic freezing and fire spells, nothing malevolent." He insisted. Cullen looked him over, searching him for the truth.

"Did she attack you?"

"No! She's my sister, for the sake of the Maker! We just...sometimes we get on each others nerves." Carver tried to explain, getting more frustrated as he did.

Cullen dismissed him, not needing to hear more. _"She's my sister, for the sake of the Maker."_ He knew that he wouldn't get anything else out of Carver, even if she had attacked him. He loved his sister too much to be a good judge of her character and state of mind. It would be up to him to investigate.


	5. Chapter 5

When Tatiana finally returned to the office, she headed to see her seneschal first before stepping foot into her own office. With the door closed behind her, Cullen couldn't hear what she and Bran were saying, but it was a short conversation. It was a suspicious way to start the day, especially when she'd been out for so long. A return to routine would have been much more comforting for the alarmed templar, he didn't want the beautiful woman to be the menace he feared she was.

"Good Morning Cullen." Tatiana addressed him as always when she walked into her office.

"Good Morning Viscountess." Cullen replied, inclining his head slightly towards her. To his ears her voice still sounded tired and strained even after all the time off. It could be the fatigue from maintaining a spell for so long.

"I'll be leaving the office early today Cullen." The Viscountess informed him.

"Where will you be going Your Excellency?" He questioned her in a guarded tone, careful to keep his voice neutral.

"Home, eventually."

"Why, if I may ask?"

"You may ask, but you won't get an answer." Tatiana replied tartly before turning away from the templar.

Her evasive answer sealed his commitment. He was going to confront her, hopefully catching her at whatever she was doing. She'd been away for days but returned tired and acting strangely? It was too much for him, even if he hadn't seen the madness of the blood mages in Ferelden. No templar would condemn him for investigating her now, not even her own brother.

Tatiana began working for the half-day, speaking only a few times aloud to anyone as she worked through the paperwork that had accumulated in her time off. At noon, she got up and delivered the rest of her work to Bran and closed her office for the day. Her seneschal seemed to have some understanding of her and he only glared insolently at Cullen as the Commander told the other templars that he planned on tailing her. Whatever Tatiana had done to inspire such loyalty, he hoped it hadn't included magic.

Cullen followed her himself, watching at a distance as she walked towards the makeshift Chantry that had been put up. Not five minutes after the Viscountess went in did he watch her brother, Ser Carver, go into the same building. Cullen went to the doors of the building, hesitating outside of them, debating with himself about going in. Eventually someone came out and he slipped in, unnoticed as he stood off in the shadows.

Both Carver and Tatiana were kneeling, but it appeared whatever they had been praying for was over, and they stood. Cullen moved position, behind a stack of boxes where he couldn't be seen if they glanced in his direction. The siblings hugged briefly and Carver left, walking quickly away from the altar and out of the building. Tatiana watched him leave, an expression of the utmost melancholy on her face as she did. One of the Mothers came over to her and patted her on the shoulder, speaking soft words to her as Tatiana nodded. It had been wrong to follow her here, whatever she was doing had nothing to do with why she was at the Chantry today.

Cullen told himself that he was just doing his duty, in service to the very Chantry in which he stood but he couldn't bring himself to believe it at the moment. When Tatiana left the building, he watched out of a window as she walked alone to her estate. He couldn't figure out why she hadn't just told him that she would be visiting the Chantry, but then he realized it wouldn't have stopped him from following her.

Tatiana knew Cullen followed her and she didn't care. Tomorrow she would blast him, let him know what she thought of him barging in on her at the Chantry of all place, but she couldn't do it today. It was the anniversary of the day she'd found her mother down in Quentin's deranged laboratory and she just didn't have the fight in her. Tomorrow though, Cullen was going to get an earful of her.

"Good Morning Viscountess."

"Get into my office **NOW** Cullen." Tatiana barked at him. She slammed the doors behind him with an ear-splitting bang, and several books and papers tumbled off her messy desk.

"Your Excellency." Cullen said, standing in front of her with his arms crossed.

"You followed me and Carver yesterday. We went to the Chantry, the Chantry and you still felt the need to follow me there? What is wrong with you?" Tatiana was admonishing him in a tired, croaky voice that was at odds with how she looked when she was angry. Her eyes flashed at him and her breast heaved, the plump mouth that Cullen dreamed about kissing was pursed into lines.

"Recently your behavior has been suspicious Viscountess. It is my duty to the Order to monitor you for signs of corruption."

"There have been no signs of corruption." She near growled, getting in his face.

"You destroyed your office in a fit of pique. You used magic in front of the seneschal."

"I HAD A BAD DAY AND HEALED A CUT. Even Viscount Dumar didn't keep his cool all the time."

"You've been absent from work."

"I needed to rest after my 'fit of pique'. My servants were gone and I needed to replace them before my house fell down."

"You froze Ser Carver."

"He's my little brother! Of course I did, I've been doing it since he was six! If that's all you've got, then you better not start that career as an investigator anytime soon Cullen." Tatiana was standing as close to him as she could, and the two were in a standoff, waiting for the other to back down.

Cullen didn't know who initiated it, but he found himself kissing her squirming, irate form, his arms locked around her waist. Her hands were on either side of his face, drawing him closer to her as they kissed deeply. He heard her issue a soft moan as his tongue teased her lips.

Tatiana made an angry, mewling noise as he crushed his lips against hers but she didn't pull away, instead parting her lips when his tongue gently touched them. She pressed against his soft lips with a fiery urgency and she moved one hand through his wavy hair as she'd so often wanted to do. Her other hand moved down his chest, wishing that the heavy templar plate would melt away and that she could touch the chest beneath it, but she let her hand slide to his back, lingering where the templar skirt joined his armor.

A surge of desire pulsed through Cullen, joining the adrenaline that already swept through his system, creating a heady cocktail that spurred him on further. Off came his gauntlets, all while never breaking his kiss with Tatiana and once his hands were free of their metal jailors, he ran his fingers through her lovely dark hair. At one time he would have loved to just feel the silk of it, satisfied just to delicately roll a strand between his fingers, but now he tugged on a hank of hair, exposing her delicate neck to his brutal kisses. He could smell her perfume mixed with the heat of her skin and the wet, musky scent of her arousal that now hung heavy in the air.

Beneath his skirt, Tatiana could feel his slick hardness growing and stroked it through the fabric as Cullen kissed her collarbone. She heard him growl in appreciation of her rough touches and in return his teeth nipped at her breast through her robes. Seconds later she heard the sound of buttons popping as Cullen tore the panel of her robe, exposing her chest to him. Tatiana arched her back and let the robes slide off her frame to pool at her feet. He unlatched her breast band and brought her already hard peak to his mouth without preamble, suckling at her insistently.

" _Oh, Cullen_." Tatiana said in a barely comprehensible moan. Hearing her moaning his name made his cock pound with unreleased need and it drove his fury. He wanted nothing more than to be buried in her delicious warmth and the thought overtook him. Vaguely he heard the rip of fabric as her drenched smallclothes gave way under his strong hands and he pushed a finger into her wet sex, withdrawing it almost immediately. He heard her whimper, but he wasn't sure what caused it, his thick finger plunging into her so suddenly, or its removal.

Pushing Tatiana against the desk, he knocked whole stacks of papers over onto each other causing a domino reaction. As papers flew around them he shed the skirt part of his uniform and cursed the plate that he was sweating into, tearing at the buckles to take it off finally. Before it hit the floor he was back to her waiting body on the edge of her desk, slamming hilt-deep into her wet sex. Together, their voices called out in surprise but his held a note of triumph as her heat wrapped around him.

Cullen pulled back and pushed into her again, but this time he placed his thumb between her legs, seeking out her pearl. He found the hard nub easily and stroked it relentlessly, determined to drive her to come before he did. As he felt it stiffen further beneath the pad of his thumb, he tweaked it lightly, teasing it before continuing in the circular motion.

He nearly lost himself as her walls closed around him, the hot contours of her constricting tightly around him as her arousal grew and he withdrew his thumb, giving her pearl one last swipe. His free hand had been on her shoulder, fingers digging into her flesh leaving red marks when he finally moved to bring him closer to her. He held her around her waist, hands keeping her hips steady as he continued his determined drive into her.

Tatiana arched her back, moving her hips closer to his at the same time as he gave a savage thrust and she felt the wave of her orgasm crash over her.

"Cullen!" Her cry was desperate and urgent, a high-pitched near scream.

He watched her face contort with pleasure and felt the rush of hot liquid drenching his cock as it drove into her again. She was whimpering his name as she moaned, her climax still spasming around him. It took everything he had not to come with her but he was determined to make this last. Tatiana moved closer to him and every inch of her skin was like touching a soldering iron. Cullen grunted as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her while knocking another stack of papers off her desk as he tried to maintain his grip. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he crushed her chest to him, feeling her breasts bounce against him with every thrust.

Heat rose in him as he felt his end nearing and he rolled his hips into hers, letting the sensation build up. She pulled his mouth to hers in a feral kiss and Cullen ended it with a deep, rumbling roar as his climax overtook him.

"Maker, Tatiana!" Cullen's voice was hoarse as he shouted her name, his cock vibrating violently as it was finally granted release, filling her with his seed. Tiny lights danced in front of his eyes and he absently moved his hips in imitation of his earlier, more fevered movements. Cullen caught her mouth in a lazy kiss as they both panted, trying to bring themselves back to normal. Their combined heat and his powerful climax made him dizzy.   He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers as she embraced him.


	6. Chapter 6

"I should go."  Cullen murmured against her neck.  Tatiana laughed softly, he limbs still wrapped around his.

"Go where?  To get me a change of clothes?"  

"No Tatiana, I can't stay here now.  I mean that I should go."

"Cullen, I'm still naked and wrapped around you and you want to talk about leaving permanently?"  Tatiana looked up into his face from her perch on the desk and saw the conflict raging within him.  He was a templar, sworn to the Order, to keep people like her in check.  But they'd just, well she wasn't quite sure what to even call what they'd just done together, but Tatiana was certain that Cullen didn't do it often or take it lightly.

"It is improper."  He said, the words coming out in a low, deep tone.  They held his confusion and a bit of reluctance.

"I think we're far past improper."  She quipped lightly as Cullen stepped away from her.  The heat on her skin cooled without his warm body there to feed it, but she disliked the loss.  He was busy sorting out their mess of clothing and armor that had become strewn all over the room in the heat of their haste.  Tatiana slid down off the edge of the desk and puts her foot on the piece of armor he was trying to pick up.  He ignored her, moving onto another.

" **Cullen**."  She was using her Viscountess voice, commanding and unquestionable.  Hazel eyes met her cool grey ones and she crossed her arms in front of her nude body, waiting for his answer.

"I cannot be your guard when I have these feelings for you.  It is improper.  I shall assign another to take up this task."

" _You_ are the only templar strong enough to take me down, should something happen.  Besides when we made our little deal before I took over this seat, I wanted you to guard me.  Anyone else on a permanent basis violates our deal and I get to kick your order out of the Keep."  She informed him.  It was a bluff, but she bet she could enforce it.  The sight of the templars leaving would make Bran happy at the very least.

Cullen was easing into his templar skirt, picking up the his chest plate and putting it on the desk where she had just vacated.  She watched his discomfort and instead of trying to relieve it, wanted to add to it.  It was better when he was forced to face facts and the sight of her naked breasts.

"You would remove the templars from the Keep just to prove a point to me?"

"I would remove the templars from the Keep in protest of you removing yourself from me."

He sighed, rubbing his hands over his eyes as he did.  The scent of her still lingered on his skin and he could feel her gaze.  Tatiana wasn't going to let him go.  Just that thought sent a shameful amount of heady excitement coursing through him.  The Order should come first, but he was a man as well.   Maker help him, her stubborn insistence to keep him around made him feel _wanted_.

"I need some time to think."  He mumbled, fastening on one of his gauntlets.  In the middle of the room, she stood there still completely nude.  He walked over to her and handed her the pile of her clothes that he'd gathered.  She pressed the bunch against her chest, but made no move to put them on.

"You could always marry me."  Tatiana breathed, looking into his eyes.  "Then it wouldn't be improper."

Cullen's instinct took over and he reached out and kissed her again, gently this time.  His lips were soft against hers, his armored hands careful against her bare, sensitive skin.

"Would that I could, Tatiana.  The result would be me likely being sent away, or kicked out of the Order completely.  Just give me time, I need to think."  He said softly.

"Alright."  She conceded softly, doubts already forming in her mind.

After another kiss, Cullen carefully opened the door to her office and exited.  Tatiana stood in the messy room, looking around at everything before starting to pull on her clothes.  Her heart  was filled with the fear that she'd never see Cullen again, even though she suspected she was very, very much in love with him.

Cullen didn't return the next day, much to her dismay.  Tatiana realized he had been serious when he'd said he needed time to think, but now it was her turn to be suspicious of his behavior.  Time to think, or time to create doubts within himself and reasons not to come back?  She suspected that he was doing the latter, locking himself away and denying his feelings for her.

She made a trip to the Gallows after the second day he spent away from her.  The templars were still there, but other than herself there were no mages about.  Some tranquil still remained, serving in their roles as shopkeepers and assisting the templars, but the mages that had often been outside before Meredith's attack were no where to be seen.  She hoped they had fled during the attack.

Instead of hunting the apostates, the Order now focused on rebuilding and regrouping.   Meredith had left many sins to atone for, and Tatiana wanted them visible as Kirkwall was recovering, to help ease the resentment of the people.  She showed herself cooperating with the Order, that they could still be relied upon to offer protection but she worried about the future.  This tentative peace couldn't last forever.  

Mounting the grey stone steps that still held the char marks of battle on them, she walked towards the hallway that would take her to Cullen's office.  As she passed, templars nodded at her respectfully, letting her by without question.

"Tati?  What are you doing here?"  Carver's voice came from beneath one of the templar helmets as she walked by.

"Carver!"  She exclaimed, pulling her brother into a hug.

"What are you doing here?"  He asked her again, confused by her appearance at the Gallows.  She did her best to stay away from here usually, but he noticed she didn't look like herself.  In their time growing up, he had never known his sister to be especially vain or preening but the woman in front of him sparkled.  Her black hair shown in the dimming sunlight, glistening like polished onyx, the heavy velvet robes she wore were of a cut that flattered her figure, the deep garnet color setting off her skin.

"I need to see Ser Cullen."  She said simply, but the tone of her voice gave everything away to Carver.  She sounded both imperious and like she was hiding something.  Carver looked directly into his sister's eyes.

"You're the reason he's been here the past few days.  What did you do?"

"That's none of your business."

"If it's templar business then I have a right to know."  He argued, trying to keep anger out of his voice.  He'd already warned her once about Cullen.

"Trust me, it wasn't templar business.  I just need to speak to him."

Carver gave her an appraising look, his eyes sweeping over her defiant chin but confused face.  She was looking for an answer that had nothing to do with templar business.  Cullen.  Whatever happened between them...his thought stopped there.  She was in love with Cullen and if he was avoiding her, he probably felt the same way.

"So you got the Knight-Commander to fall in love with you?  Figures."  He finally said to his sister, a little more sharply than he'd intended.  Things like this always happened to Tatiana, they come in as refugees and she winds up Viscountess.

"It's not that simple Carver.  Please let me talk to him before we have this conversation out in the open."  Tatiana whispered.

"He's in his office."  Carver said resignedly, stepping aside to let his sister through.  "Good luck in there."  He offered after seeing her hopeful face.

"Thank you, Carver."  Tatiana said softly, touching his arm affectionately before moving on.  He watched her go down the hall and stand outside the door, standing up a little straighter before she moved towards his door, head held high.  

The hallways in the Gallows were the same as they were when Meredith and Orsino silently warred here and it felt strange to Tatiana to walk amongst them, like the building itself should show more signs of the change that had started here. But they don't, they remained grey and passive as they were before except for bearing the scorches and marks of battle upon them, which could have come from any battle. A revolution was started here, a real change for mages just as Anders had intended and every week her office got reports of other rebellions across Thedas. Even the beleaguered templars were starting to rise up with the mages, but not here in Kirkwall, these people still rightly feared both groups.

When she approached the Knight-Commander's office, there were two voices coming from within. It was another, slightly recognizable male voice speaking with Cullen. Whomever was behind the voice was only answering Cullen's directives, taking orders and not conversing. Tatiana waited outside the wooden door, not wishing to interrupt templar business. She looked up and down the empty hall, hoping that no one thought she was snooping.

"Ser Keran, I want you to take my post at the Viscountess's office tomorrow. There are other matters I need to attend to."

"Yes, Kinght-Commander. Is there anything else?" A younger voice answered Cullen's order, Ser Keran.

"Just guard her carefully - she's a very powerful mage. If the need should arise for you to subdue her, remember that it will require more than one of you, so work guard her in pairs."

"Yes, Commander." Ser Keran nodded at Cullen, waiting for the order to leave.

"Dismissed." Cullen said wearily. He sank down in the chair behind his desk, closing his eyes behind his hand. Every night since he'd left the Viscount's Keep, since he'd left Tatiana had yielded no answers for his troubled mind. The search for solace, for any peace had been fruitless since he'd retreated from her. His heart wanted her more than anything else, but he was convinced that theirs was an affair destined for disaster. Still he couldn't forget a single second of what had happened between them, his skin recalled her touch and craved more, his body heating at inappropriate times whenever anyone mentioned the Viscountess.

When Keran walked out of the office, he was greeted by the livid face of the Viscountess. Standing just outside of Cullen's partially open door, she must have heard the tail end of their conversation. Her face was a mask of pure fury as she pushed past the young templar, slamming the door to Cullen's office shut behind her with an ear-splitting bang that echoed down the hallway.

Keran briefly considered staying outside the door, because it looked like the Knight-Commander was in for a fight but unless requested, they weren't allowed to linger outside his office. Half-running away from the Commander's office, he hoped that he never found out what happened behind that closed door.


	7. Chapter 7

"Viscountess." Cullen said, his head snapping up at the sound of the door slamming behind her. He had been so lost in his thoughts of her, he was caught off-guard by her presence in his office. Cullen felt like a stammering, blushing youth, seeing her in front of him, more beautiful than when he'd left her.

"Why are you sending that Keran to guard me? Why are you hiding?" Tatiana asked in a voice of deadly quiet.

"You cannot come into my office and demand answers of me." Cullen said, skirting her question. Tatiana moved so quickly he barely had time to react and he found himself flat on the ground behind his desk, knocked back by a combination of her spells and a shove to his chest that sent him flying.

"Maker help me, I'm not going to put you in a force field, but if I thought it would get you to listen, I would." She hissed through her gritted teeth. He was still on the ground and she was standing over him, a fearsome sight, her magic tingling his senses as she released it. Around him he felt the power she had been holding tense ebb away and he was convinced that she wasn't going to attack him, at least not with magic, for the time being.

"This is exactly why mages need to be controlled!" He said, sitting upright, sputtering indignantly at her. Just the thought of a force field sent memories of his entrapment at Uldred's hands to him, making him want to retaliate on her attack. She didn't know about that, had no idea what had happened to him and he couldn't punish her for his bad memories. Her answer to his accusation was clear in her sneering face. _Even in her anger, she's still stunning_ , he thought and he promptly scolded himself, trying to banish the traitorous thought. She'd just attacked him, but he calmed himself, knowing he was in no real danger.

"No, this is exactly why you should have come back two days ago. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't done a runner after we had sex. Who's acting suspiciously now?"

"Not suspicious." Cullen said, his temper rising. "I told you I needed to think, woman. Did you think I'd be showing up for work in a day or two?"

"I didn't know what to think after you left me naked and alone in my office, not five minutes after your orgasm. Were you merely taking pleasure from me, templar?"

"You know that isn't what happened." Cullen growled at her, outraged by her accusation.

"No, I don't. I've been waiting for you to grow a pair and give me some kind of explanation. You wouldn't even be giving me one now if I hadn't come to the Gallows." Tatiana hurled her words at him, intending to wound. Her distress at being left, without any contact after such an intimate act was far worse than she herself had suspected. Her hurt bubbled to the surface and caused anger to coil in her belly, anger that she hadn't felt outside when she'd talked to Carver. All she'd wanted then was an answer, an explanation. Now she wanted a fight, Tatiana wanted Cullen to hurt as much as she had been hurt by his absence.

"For what it is worth, I'm sorry about the way I left." Cullen said in a low voice, his face crumpled in contrition.

She watched him pick himself up from the floor and pace around the room, for once looking like less than the perfect templar, showing weakness. He raked his fingers through his hair, heedless of the gauntlet that was still on his hand as he looked around the room with sad eyes. Looking at his handsome face, she saw the signs of sleeplessness on it, the shadows under his eyes and the increase of dark stubble on his chin and cheeks.

"The truth is, I don't know what to do. I've been thinking about it for two days, thinking about nothing but you and I still don't know what we should do." Cullen sighed, looking first at Tatiana and then the door. "We shouldn't talk here. Let me walk you home."

Rage was still running through her veins and she wanted to singe him with just a _little_ lightning to show him what an ass he had been, but she just nodded in resignation. Cullen held his arm out to her and she looped hers through it, letting him lead her from the Gallows.

The pair walked through the Gallows and out onto the silent streets of Kirkwall.  It was quiet, much quieter than when Tatiana patrolled the streets before taking the seat of the Viscount. There were far fewer bands of mercenaries and slavers out now, but she didn't know whether to attribute that to an increase in guardsmen or just far fewer people in Kirkwall.

Her arm was still linked through his, warming his templar plate armor and she let her hand drift downward, reaching down to hold hands. When her hand met his, he resisted intertwining her bare fingers with his gauntleted ones.

"Viscountess." Cullen said in a warning tone.

"Tatiana." She corrected, patiently, as if she were reminding a child.

"It's not appropriate." Cullen said stiffly. "We're in public." She shook her head in dismay, but didn't argue further. Knowing that he would resist her further advances, she settled for tenting her hand on his, still walking with their arms twisted together.

"It's clear tonight." Tatiana said, looking skyward. "All the stars are out. Do you ever just look up anymore? I never remembered to, not since we left Ferelden." Cullen stayed silent, letting her talk, but he glanced up towards the night sky.

It was as she said, a clear night, but it was much more than that. The sky above them was black streaked with the darkest shades of blue, stars twinkling against the backdrop like crystals under sunlight and the moon shone down, impossibly full and round.

"I started looking up at them when I became Viscountess, asking for guidance, trying to figure out what to do. This city seems like it is in love with destroying itself and I don't want to see it happen again. But there was more than just my duties on my mind." She paused and looked at him, willing herself to have courage.

"I've wanted you for so long despite our differences, your station in the Order. You told me once in the Gallows that mages weren't humans, they were merely weapons. It was then I was glad that my sister never made it to Kirkwall, because the Order would have taken her and imprisoned her. But my irrational heart." She gave a terse laugh.

"Even the best of the Rose couldn't manage to take my mind off you." Tatiana took a deep breath in and blew it back out slowly. Cullen waited for her to go on and forward they walked, through darkened streets of the city.

Around them, lanterns in windows provided scant light as they meandered through the streets and aside from some people rushing home, the only people they'd encountered were whores and guards. The guards nodded and the whores simply stared, not daring to offer their goods to either the Knight-Commander or Viscountess. Even as they walked away from the Gallows, leaving the sea behind, Cullen could still hear the calm waters as they lapped up against the edges of the city. There was nowhere in Kirkwall he couldn't hear the sea, except in Hightown.

"I'm more than a weapon, but not more than a person, if that makes sense. Cullen, what I'm saying is I don't know what's right and what's proper any more than you do. But I know how I feel, and after you left, just minutes after, it hurt as much as when you said mages weren't humans. If you truly don't want to be with me, then so be it, but I had to try, even if it made no sense." Tatiana stopped talking, afraid that she was rambling. Her bravado was fading in the wake of his silence and she shivered, partially from the night cold and partially because she felt so exposed.

They reached her estate, and Cullen stood back while she opened the door. She expected to get a cool goodnight from him, since he apparently didn't feel like talking. Instead he entered the house behind her and closed the door behind him. Once inside, she waited for him to talk, to say that he was very sorry that things had to end, but when he came to her he was just silent, his hazel eyes staring at her intently.

There was only a moment, a moment when she looked straight into his eyes and was unable to read them, just the one moment before he kissed her, sweeter and longer than they'd kissed in her office. His hands were gentle but firm around her, and she pressed herself against him, going deeper into the kiss.

 

Cullen was listening to her as they walked, in the way that people listen when they have no other choice, disengaged and lost in his own thoughts. He intended to end this ill-advised liaison once and for all, despite how it may hurt him, steeling himself as they left the Gallows. Instead of her words, he focused on the pleasing rhythm of her speech, the music of her Ferelden accented voice as he led her towards the estates of Hightown.

He would get over this heartache in time, even if he had to guard her everyday. Watching her move on, taking another lover would be painful, but the pain would purge him of his need for her. The thought of her with someone else plunged him into irrational pain that twisted his guts. He borrowed future hurt, images flitting through his head of life as her silent spectator, never knowing the taste of her lips again, watching her from afar as she grow old with another man, and the voice next to him became distant as his mood spiraled downward.

What jarred him back to reality was the change in her voice, what had been conversational had now become raw with emotion, deep and near husky as she spoke. He heard her mention a sister he'd never known she'd had and wondered, not for the first time, what else lie beneath her personable, sarcastic exterior.

"But my irrational heart." Tatiana spoke in a broken voice, not needing to go on or explain further. Her irrational heart still wanted him, even when she knew that they clearly were at odds. When her head gave up, her heart did not, and persisted desiring a man that couldn't be hers, one that should have been, if not an enemy, than close to it.

She understood the conflict that raged within him, because she too fought with it. Uldred made him hate mages, made him fear the power that she held at her fingertips. Tatiana could do worse, much worse than Uldred if she ever wanted, she was a much more powerful mage than he'd been. Champion of Kirkwall, then Viscountess - she'd had already changed the face of the world with her amazing deeds, her magic.

Within him, something broke and slipped away, like losing something featherlight to a strong gust of wind.

At her house he'd intended to kiss her goodnight, to comfort her. When she turned to him, he let his kiss say what he couldn't, what he didn't have words to voice. Cullen kissed her with all the tenderness that he'd retained in spite of his duty and the horrors he'd been dealt. He kissed her to comfort her sadness, to ease away the hurt he'd caused by not coming back. He kissed her for him, to take something for himself after all these years, because she was offering it and because the want had grown in him, into something painful and large that made him feel hollow in the center, the place that he used to be able to fill with purpose and hatred towards mages.

It was odd that he led her and she followed without question, even though it was her home and he was a stranger amongst her things. He led her up the stairs by the hand, only stopping to kiss her again once they were in what he reasonably confident was her bedroom. The door was open to the vast space, a fire warming the room where a large, scarlet bedecked bed took center stage.

"Are you sure?" Tatiana asked him, looking into his eyes. The lit fire crackled behind her in the grate, casting dancing shadows across his handsome face as they stood in silence. This wasn't like before, Cullen realized. She was asking him because there wasn't going to be anywhere to hide after this.

It shamed him that she was giving him a chance to get out, to walk away. She stood in front of him, not touching or prodding, her eyes unreadable and pale in the firelight. Tatiana wanted him to stay but wasn't going to speak until he answered. Grabbing the Viscountess around her waist, he pulled her to him into an urgent kiss, his hands and lips more demanding than they had been downstairs.

"Yes." Cullen growled against her lips, the word coming from deep within him. _Yes_ , he thought to himself, _I won't be a coward this time._


	8. Chapter 8

His heated lips met hers and while they kissed, she led him towards her bed, pawing at his armor with anxious fingers. Cullen's hands pushed hers away from the straps that bound him into his templar plate.

"Slow down." He muttered in her ear. She heeded his request, her hands less frantic as they raked through his hair.

He let her hands help him out of his armor, leaving it on a pile at the foot of her bed, but he took his time taking off her robes, touching her skin as he freed it from the fabric. The pads of his fingers gently brushing over her stomach as he slid her robes down to pool in a velvet puddle at her feet. Cullen's lips breathed light kisses over her skin, and he eased her clothes off with care, holding her hand as she stepped out of her smallclothes.

On her shoulders he could see the fading imprints of his fingers, the marks he'd left there last time as he'd gripped her, taking her on the edge of her desk. The memory nearly overwhelmed him, and he had to control the frenzy that rose in him, sweeping heat throughout his body.

She had been right when she'd said that they were, "far past improper." Indeed they were if he, the Knight-Commander, was having sex with the mage Viscountess in her office. Whether he had just been too bullheaded to admit it, or too blind to see, he'd already lost his heart to her before he'd taken her that day.

Before him, she stood nearly nude and he took his time, taking off her breast band. He relished the sight of each breast as he freed them and he kissed each in turn, drawing a ragged moan from Tatiana. The sound made the ardor building in him nearly spill over, and he fought to maintain his composure as she moaned again, this time protesting the end of his kisses. Not yet, he thought as he brought her to the bed.

"Tell me what you like." Cullen said in a deep, controlled voice, as he propped himself up on one elbow in her bed.

She was flat on her back next to him and his hazel eyes raked over the perfection of her naked body. There were few scars, unlike on his own grizzled, battle-hardened body, but she still looked her formidable, and strong. Since taking the office of Viscountess, she hadn't been chasing down bandits but her body still retained the muscles she'd forged.

The lean curves of her body bared before him was making him devilishly hard and it was with some satisfaction he observed that he wasn't alone in his excitement. Between her legs, the curls of black hair were wet with her want as they guarded the entrance to her sex. Fingertips ghosted across her skin, his touch like the whisper of a feather as he took her all in, committing everything, the feel of her skin, her smell, every delicious eyeful, to memory.

"Kiss me all over.  Start with my lips and work your way down."  Tatiana was enjoying the control, the idea of him being somewhat submissive to her and he hid his smile as complied with her demand.  He was enjoying it too.  As a templar, he was used to following orders, but none were quite as pleasurable as the directive to kiss every bit of the beautiful, naked Tatiana.

The kiss started out sweet and soft, his hands wandered, lingering in her hair for a moment, but kept their feathery touch as he explored her.  But her hands reached out to him, touching and tracing lines down his body with more determination and her touch sped him up from his course of determined slow seduction.  Cullen was nearly losing himself in her kiss, it was deep and hungry, her tongue fencing with his before he had the good sense to pull away.

"Slow."  Cullen repeated, pulling back.  It was all he could get out, because his body wasn't reacting slowly at all.  He tried to ignore the ache of want her kisses created in him, but just the action of pulling away made him grit his teeth.

Deciding not to renew their kiss, lest he lose all control, he moved along her body to do as she'd asked.  Lips brushed her neck, moving downward in a smooth sweep of kisses.  When he got to her breasts, he kissed around them, all around both before finally taking the hardened tip of one in his mouth.  Suckling and swiping at the nipple, he felt Tatiana arch her back into him, her fingers pushed through his hair as she gasped underneath him.  

A lone hand meandered down her body and he rested it between her legs, idly caressing the smooth skin of her inner thigh before it explored further.  Despite being with her just a few days before, her body was a novelty to him and begging to be studied extensively.  One finger teased her, running along her folds before Cullen plunged in.  Both of them gave a moan in response, Cullen relishing the slick heat around his digit.  She felt his thumb searching, coaxing out her pearl, as warm mouth abandoned her breasts and resumed kissing a trail down her body.

She felt his tongue flit briefly into her navel as he kissed across the soft expanse of her stomach and Tatiana groaned, her hands gripping his shoulders.   He chuckled into her skin as he felt her trying to force him towards her sex, her hips rocking up into him as his hand worked in and out.  Cullen knew what she wanted and obliged, his tongue replacing the thumb that had been teasing the hardened bead.  He felt her shudder beneath him as he lapped and suckled at her sex, taking in the musky taste of her.

There was little time for him to enjoy her before he felt her body drawing up, shivering and clenching as she headed towards her end.  Cullen felt her give an almighty spasm and then he felt the rush of fluid around his finger, heard her crying out his name.  On her sensitive, overheated skin he left biting kisses on the inside of her thighs before he completely withdrew his head and hand.  

"Cullen."  Tatiana murmured his name, her hands seeking him out.  She was languid, pleasure still dancing through her and he kissed her lazy smile, letting her taste herself on his lips.

Positioning himself above her, he guided his cock into her.  Unlike before, this time he went slowly, savoring the feeling of sheathing himself in her grasping, wet heat.  Unbidden, a moan dribbled from his lips and he was only vaguely aware of anything other than how she felt.  When he finally hilted himself inside of her, he stayed still for a moment, reveling until Tatiana started to move.  She moved slowly, rocking and his motion joined hers and they moved in concert, matching his thrusts to the leisurely roll of her hips.

The pace quickened after a short while, and Cullen was no longer able to abide the sedate stroll he'd started.  With each thrust his lean hips gave a snap, the need evident in his increased speed.  He kissed her, panting as he kissed her neck, her lips and cheek with a searing heat and he heard his name in her breathy moan.  Tatiana kept up with his daunting pace and he felt her desperate fingers digging into his back, urging him deeper into her.

Clutching at him, he felt her come again, and this time reminded him of how it had been in her office, he could feel her exquisite tightness, squeezing, constricting around his cock.  He fucked wildly into it and the frenzy brought forth his own end.  Around him, sight and sound dimmed as he began to come, his powerful climax jerking his hips and his disembodied voice called out to her with a primal growl.  

After his breathing slowed, he wrapped an arm around Tatiana, pulling her to his chest.  She snuggled against him, her back against his wide chest as they rested.  It was comfortable, just being with her, and his head felt clearer than it had in days.  The irony that he finally found the peace he'd been seeking as she lay in his arms wasn't lost on Cullen and he smiled into her hair.

How long they just lay, he didn't know but Tatiana turned to face him, speaking softly as she ran a hand through his hair.

"What happened to you in Ferelden?  I mean, I know about the Tower there, but I want you to tell me, if you can."  Despite her gentle tone, Cullen stiffened.  It was still not easy for him to talk about.  She looked up at him, waiting for his response as she continued caressing him.  He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch before he began in a whisper.

"Before, before the madness, it wasn't the worst posting for a templar. The Ferelden Circle was lenient, templars and mages weren't friends, but we knew there were things that could slip by, that we let slip. When the Blight broke out, there was a mage, Uldred who went to Ostagar. When he returned to the Tower we learned of his plan, something he'd been doing long before Loghain betrayed King Cailan. Blood mages, there were so many of them, and so many became abominations."

Cullen stopped, taking a deep breath as he did. Tatiana looked in his eyes, they were gazing at something she couldn't see, something horrible.

"There were demons, horrors, things no longer human. They trapped me and a few others, but I was the only one that survived. I was in a cage - like a force field, for how long I don't know. I was certain I was going to die, I watched everyone else die, everyone, but they just left me there, just left me." He shuddered and she wrapped her arm around him, as if she could protect him from horrors he'd already lived through.

"We were outside the Harrowing chamber, all the way at the top of the Tower. Uldred wound up in there, with almost all of the Senior Enchanters, trying to turn them." Cullen looked into Tatiana's eyes then, coming back to her.

"Then she was there. The Hero of Ferelden came and I tried to warn her about the blood mages, but she didn't want to kill everyone. It was already a slaughter, I had no idea then what she'd fought through to get to me. She destroyed Uldred and saved the First Enchanter." Tatiana hugged him to her as he finished his story with a shiver.

"It's hard to think on, I don't like to remember it." He said in a stiff voice.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cullen." She had endured her own horrors during the Blight, but she knew there were others that had fared far worse.

"Knight-Commander Greagoir decided that I should come here, to Kirkwall, to help me get past it. I can't say it went as expected, but things are looking up now." He said, chuckling softly as he looked down at her.

He kissed her sad mouth, tipping her chin up with his thumb. Around him, the pleasant and insistent weight of her arm cradled him, making him feel comfortable.

"We both lost something in Ferelden. I never knew you had a sister." He remarked.

"Bethany. She's Carver's twin."

"Ser Carver has a twin sister?" Cullen gave a start at the unexpected information. For the years that Carver had been in the Order he had seemed closed off, as if he had to shut himself to do his work, but that was common in their ranks, and didn't concern Cullen. Carver probably held more in than even he did, and a wash of sadness came over him for the younger templar.

"She died trying to protect us from an ogre as we were fleeing Lothering. She was a mage, like me." Tatiana's eyes filled with tears. He hadn't known his family well before he'd been given to the Chantry, the dynamics of such relationships were foreign to him, but the Hawkes had always seemed like a family that struggled, trying to regain a closeness that was lost.

When Carver had first joined the Order, his mother Leandra and sometimes Tatiana would come to visit him. It was no secret that the siblings disagreed about a great many things, but there was love there, evident to any who saw them. He often wondered just why Carver was so resentful of his sister, but when she became Champion, Cullen understood. Sometimes a light can blind instead of illuminate.

In his arms, she was unraveling, tears sliding from under her closed eyelids. He pushed them away with the pad of his thumb, but when they didn't ebb, he just held her and let her cry against him.

"I won't hurt you Cullen, but you know that already. That's why you're here."

"And because I care about you. I admit, I acted foolishly more than once recently."

"That's...more than I was expecting you to say, honestly." Tatiana admitted. Cullen frowned and pulled back, looking down into her face. Lingering guilt surfaced and he took a moment to decide how to address her.

"It has been difficult, reconciling my feelings. Things won't be easy as we proceed, and we don't have the luxury of privacy. I want to be with you, but I can only promise that I'll continue to do my duty first, to protect you from harm, especially when it comes to magic."

"Then you should protect me now." Tatiana said, her lips lifting on one side into a smirk.

"From what?"

"The cold. Terribly cold in here, even with your arms around me." She answered, earning a deep, husky laugh from Cullen. He reached down and drew the blanket over them, the cool fabric warming as they lay beneath it, curled into each other.

"Tonight you can protect me from the cold and tomorrow we can rebuild Kirkwall. Together, templar and mage." Tatiana's sleepy voice said next to him.

"Oh, is that all?" He asked.

"It's a start. We have to start somewhere." Tatiana replied and Cullen agreed silently, as he kissed her forehead.

He closed his eyes, ignoring the nagging voice in his mind that told him he should get back to his own quarters, he wasn't going to leave her again, ever. He fell into an easy sleep next to Tatiana, waking only once in the night, when her dog got in bed with them. If this was to be his life for the foreseeable future, in bed with the Viscountess of Kirkwall, helping her rebuild the city, he could handle that - he would make sure he could.

 **The End**


End file.
